My Child's Change Is Hard for Me to Accept — How Should I Face It? | Master Jingben
【Q&A Series】
My Child's Change Is Hard for Me to Accept — How Should I Face It?
In truth, I had already noticed the changes in my child's appearance; it is just that I cannot accept it for the moment, and I do not know what I should do.
I sincerely ask Master for some guidance. Thank you, Master.
Master Jingben Answers: Namo Amitabha. Where a child is concerned, a mother's heart is always full of care. Let me share a few points with you:
1. Your Feelings Are Only Natural
For a child to suddenly confide something like this, and for a mother to find it hard to accept at first, is only natural — there is no need to blame yourself. This takes time to absorb slowly; please do not rush yourself.
2. Your Child's Trust
That your child is willing to confide in you and to seek your support — this trust is beyond precious; whatever happens, do not push your child away.
That your child gathered the courage to come to you shows that, in your child's heart, the one most relied upon and most trusted is still mother. So whether or not you can accept it inwardly, please do not respond with scolding or coldness — once the door between parent and child closes, the child truly has nowhere left to go. For a child in such a situation, the family's acceptance and companionship are themselves the greatest protection.
3. Understanding
What your child feels in this regard is often not something your child has chosen.
Consider this comparison: if a child bore a wound, and that wound was not of the child's own making, no parent could bear to step on it again; and what is more, this may not be a wound at all — it may be like a birthmark carried from birth: no one's fault, and nothing for anyone to reproach.
From the perspective of the Buddha-Dharma, all beings have their own causes and conditions; coming into this life, each person's body and mind, disposition, and circumstances are simply different — this is no one's fault. What parents can best give is not blame, but understanding and companionship.
4. What Can You Do?
First, listen. Come to understand your child's thoughts and feelings, without rushing to judge or to draw conclusions. You can also tell your child honestly: "Mother needs a little time." But at the same time, let your child be certain of one thing: no matter what, mother loves you, and this home is here.
Besides this, you may also invite your child to encounter the Buddha-Dharma together — to listen together, to recite the Name together. But please note: this is not about using the Buddha-Dharma to "change" your child; rather, through the Buddha-Dharma, both mother and child can come to understand life and themselves a little more, and the heart gains a little more peace. The time spent reciting the Name together is itself the warmest companionship between parent and child.
5. From the Perspective of Reciting the Name
Amitabha Buddha's deliverance is unconditional, embracing all beings equally, never leaving out a single child.
The worry, the inability to let go, the affliction in your heart — since you cannot resolve them for the moment, rather than agonizing day and night, better to recite the Name and entrust your child to Amitabha Buddha, letting Amitabha make the best arrangement for your child. Recite the Name and dedicate the merit for your child, handing the cares of your heart over to Amitabha one recitation at a time; once the heart is at peace, you will have the wisdom and the strength to walk alongside your child.
Know this: the most ultimate fulfillment of this bond between mother and child is to recite the Name together and be reborn together in the Land of Ultimate Bliss. So: family love first, the Name as our support — hold fast to "loving my child," and let the rest come slowly.
6. Closing Words
There is no need to rush into choosing between "accepting" and "not accepting." First hold fast to the bond between parent and child and keep communication open; recite the Name and settle your own heart; and as for the rest, entrust it to time, and entrust it to Amitabha Buddha. Namo Amitabha
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