Drowning in Debt, Estranged from My Child — Can I Still Recite in Peace? | Master Jingben
【Q&A Series】
Drowning in Debt, Estranged from My Child — Can I Still Recite in Peace?
Also, my children used to be very good to me, but in these past few years, on every festival they no longer call me or send me messages of greeting. May I ask, Master — is it because I have done something improper?
Master Jingben Answers: Namo Amitabha. The pressure of debt and the worry of family ties that you face are both truly not easy. Allow me to share with you in two parts:
On Debt and Reciting the Name
First, let me say this to you: it is not that "you must wait until your debts are cleared before you can recite the Name in peace." Quite the opposite — it is precisely when the pressure of debt is heaviest, when the heart is most anxious and troubled, that we should recite the Name all the more.
Reciting the Name never requires waiting until the outer circumstances are pure and free of worry. If one insisted on waiting for the day when there are no afflictions and no cares before reciting, then I fear that, in this whole lifetime, that day would never come — for the Saha world is, by its very nature, full of worry and distress.
Moreover, reciting the Name itself can settle this anxious and restless heart of ours. When the heart is settled, we actually have more strength and more wisdom to face the debt and deal with the problem. So, what calls for effort in repaying the debt — repay it with all your heart (this is doing what is humanly possible); and at the same time, recite the Name with a settled heart, entrusting that anxiety in your heart to Amitabha Buddha, one recitation at a time.
Never set "reciting the Name" and "repaying debt" against each other. Repaying the debt while reciting the Name — this is the best way. Reciting settles the heart; and once the heart is settled, you will in fact handle matters with greater clarity and greater strength.
On the Children No Longer Keeping in Touch
Regarding your children growing distant in these past years, please do not rush to trace the cause back to "whether I myself have done something improper," and still less should you blame yourself excessively over it.
There are, in fact, many reasons why parents and children grow distant: perhaps the children are busy with their own lives and under great pressure themselves; perhaps each has different circumstances and conditions… it is not necessarily your fault. We have no way to control how others treat us, but we can adjust this heart of our own. Rather than agonizing and blaming yourself, it is better to turn this concern for your children into reciting the Name and dedicating the merit to them, wishing them peace and well-being — this is what is truly beneficial.
The ancients also said: "Know fewer affairs, and have fewer afflictions; know more people, and meet with more disputes." Sometimes, when the bond with one's children grows a little fainter and the concern a little less, the afflictions too become a little fewer. Seen from another angle, this may well be a kind of blessing in its own right.
Bonds by nature have their rises and falls; simply let all things follow their conditions. As long as we have given our heart, and fulfilled the loving-kindness of a parent, then we have a clear conscience; as for the rest, entrust it to conditions, entrust it to Amitabha Buddha. Never let this matter become a knot in your heart, obstructing your own purity and peace.
In Closing
In truth, whether it is the pressure of debt or the loss of family affection, these are sufferings we inevitably bear in the Saha world. And it is precisely because of these sufferings that we are all the more reminded to recite the Name well, and all the more to vow to be reborn in the Land of Ultimate Bliss — where there is no worry and no parting; that is our truly secure place of return.
So please, take the anxiety of debt and the concern for your children, and recite them all away, one recitation at a time, entrusting them to Amitabha Buddha. Recite the Name with a settled heart, and Amitabha will have the best arrangement of all. Namo Amitabha
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