Distant from Family, a Child Who Won't Strive — How Should a Reciter Respond? | Master Jingben
【Q&A Series】
Distant from Family, a Child Who Won't Strive — How Should a Reciter Respond?
Question 2: My son always appears lazy, unmotivated, and listless. I am also puzzled — how should I, as a Buddhist, regard this matter?
Master Jingben Answers: Namo Amitabha.
1. On Shallow Family Affinity and Family Members Getting Cross with One Another
The estrangement and friction among family members is a very wearing kind of suffering; I understand your helplessness.
First, the depth or shallowness of family affinity comes from the karmic conditions of past lives — there is no need to blame yourself excessively, and it cannot be forced. But please be at ease: affinity is not fixed and fated; it can be gradually transformed with a sincere heart. Through the practice of reciting the Name, you can approach it like this:
First, recite the Name and settle your own heart. For the atmosphere at home to shift, it often begins with "I change first." When reciting makes the heart soft and settled, the tone of your speech and the expression on your face will naturally change along with it, and the pressure the family feels will ease as well.
In daily life, be less calculating and demand less of one another. Family members come to dislike one another often precisely because each fixes their eyes on the other's shortcomings and demands that the other change. Better to turn those moments of "finding fault" into one recitation after another of "Namo Amitabha" — in the very moment of friction and irritation, do not rush to answer back; silently recite a few times in your heart, let it ease, and many conflicts will simply pass.
At the same time, recite the Name and dedicate the merit for your husband and children, wishing that Amitabha's light may soften the hearts of the whole family. We fulfill our duties as wife and mother, and entrust the rest to Amitabha Buddha. Know this: the most ultimate reunion of a family is to be reborn together in the Land of Ultimate Bliss in the future — holding this thought in mind, the small frictions before your eyes need not be taken so heavily.
2. On the Son Being Lazy and Unmotivated
Regarding your son — in truth, a child's growth all comes in stages; there is no need to be overly anxious, nor to rush to label him.
As a mother who recites the Name, you can approach it this way: scold less, understand more — behind a child's listlessness there is often a reason, perhaps pressure, setback, or confusion, or perhaps he feels that the studies before him hold no benefit for him. First show concern for his thoughts, then speak of striving.
You can also teach according to his nature: notice where his interests lie, and encourage him to study and grow in the direction of those interests — with interest, a person naturally finds motivation, which is far more effective than forcing him down a road he is unwilling to walk. As parents, we need not insist that "success can only be found by walking one particular road"; as the sayings go, all roads lead to Rome, and every trade produces its own master — if a child can find the direction that suits him, that is just as much a way to become a person of worth.
There is a deeper layer still — whichever road your child ends up walking does not really matter; what matters most is that he has the Buddha's name. We parents all tend to carry a measuring stick in our hearts, and what it measures is grades, qualifications, jobs, income. That stick is not wrong. But those who learn the Buddha's teaching should carry another stick as well — has this child, in this one life, met Amitabha Buddha? However high one's worldly achievements, when the breath does not come again, none of it can be carried away; only this one phrase, "Namo Amitabha," can carry us out of birth-and-death. Master Shandao says: "One who recites the Buddha's name is a good person among people, a wonderfully good person among people, a person of the highest among people, a rare person among people, the most excellent person among people." — what the Master says is simply "one who recites the Buddha's name." So whatever your child does in the future is fine; so long as in this life he can recite the Name and be reborn in the Land of Ultimate Bliss, then in the eyes of Amitabha Buddha he is already "the most excellent person among people." This does not mean leaving him to himself — what should be guided, still guide. It is only that once the stick in our heart is set right, the way we look at our child changes: the anxiety fades, and the tenderness rises.
At the same time, recite the Name and dedicate the merit for your child, wishing that the Buddha's light may bless him and help him grow cheerful and spirited. Turning the worry in your heart into recitation after recitation of the Name is more powerful than nagging. We fulfill our duties as parents — guiding, encouraging, accompanying — and as for the outcome, entrust it to conditions, entrust it to Amitabha Buddha; there is no need to carry the whole of your child's life upon your own heart.
In short, whether it is the affinity among family or the growth of a child, for us it is always this: fulfill our own duties, and entrust the rest through reciting the Name. This one "Namo Amitabha" both settles our own heart and quietly nourishes the whole family. Namo Amitabha
微信分享
扫描二维码，或复制链接分享
