Living with Family Is Painful — How Can I Resolve It? | Master Jingben
【Q&A Series】
Living with Family Is Painful — How Can I Resolve It?
Master Jingben Answers: Namo Amitabha. From your message, I can feel the depression and torment in your heart — the troubles of a household where one lives together day and night are the most intimate, most wearing of sufferings. That in such a situation you still think of reciting the Name — this heart is truly rare.
You ask "how to dispel misfortune and gain blessings" — to dissolve the "misfortune" between people, the best method is still this one "Namo Amitabha" already in your hands; there is no need to seek any other method. Reciting the Name, embraced by Amitabha's light, can better settle our hearts; and once the heart is settled, the way you see your husband and the atmosphere at home will gradually shift along with it. The "misfortune" of living together is often dissolved, imperceptibly, in just this way. So the more troubled you feel, the more you should recite.
Regarding getting along with your husband, let me share a few points:
1. Let Him Say What He Says, While I Recite My Buddha
Different "energy fields," different "frequencies" are really just differences in each person's habitual tendencies and karmic conditions. And the reason we feel pain is often that we demand the other person change. But there is an amusing saying: one who can change himself is a "saint," but one who spends all day trying to change others is "insane." Trying to change others usually only adds to our troubles; so what can be changed is only this heart of our own. Rather than fixing our eyes on the other's shortcomings, better to draw our attention back to reciting the Name: let him say what he says, while I recite my Buddha. Turn those moments of "hearing it and getting annoyed" into one recitation after another of "Namo Amitabha," and the heart will have a place to settle, no longer rising and falling with circumstances.
2. Use These Circumstances as a Support for Reciting
Husband and wife share a very deep affinity. Whether a favorable bond or an adverse one, both can be used as circumstances for reciting the Name. As the days go by, you will find that afflictions gradually can no longer be your master — Amitabha Buddha is our master. This is the real power that reciting the Name brings.
3. Recite and Dedicate the Merit for Your Husband
You can also recite the Name and dedicate the merit for your husband, wishing that he may be blessed by the Buddha's light and gradually soften and change. This is more powerful than anger or confrontation. Sometimes, when our own heart turns first, the other person will imperceptibly turn along with it.
4. Practical Steps in Daily Life
When you feel you are about to reach your limit, first step away from the situation for a moment, go elsewhere and recite a few times, let things ease before responding — there is no need to meet force with force. Set aside a fixed time for reciting each day, giving your heart a place to breathe and settle. If now and then afflictions still arise and your temper flares, there is no need to blame yourself — we are ordinary beings, habitual tendencies are unavoidable; when affliction arises, simply recite again, that is all.
The Saha world is by its very nature a world to be endured; every household has its own difficulties. Precisely because there is suffering, we should all the more recite the Name, all the more vow to be reborn in the Land of Ultimate Bliss — where there are no afflictions, and no suffering of meeting those we resent; that is our true home.
So please, turn the depression and anxiety in your heart into recitation after recitation of the Name, and entrust it all to Amitabha Buddha. Amitabha Buddha understands your suffering, has been watching over you all along, and will never forsake you. Recite with a peaceful heart; once the heart is at peace, the atmosphere at home eases, blessings naturally increase, and this "misfortune" of living together naturally dissolves as well. Namo Amitabha
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