Crying for the Deceased — Will It Obstruct Rebirth? | Master Jingben

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【Q&A Series】

Crying for the Deceased — Will It Obstruct Rebirth?

Question: Master, may I ask — when we weep for a beloved family member, does it affect or obstruct the one who has passed away, so that they cannot go to the Western Pure Land? When my family member passed away some time ago, I think I did cry for a little while. What should I do?

Master Jingben Answers: Namo Amitabha. Please set your heart at ease first: do not worry, and above all do not blame yourself.

To weep for one's closest kin comes from love and from the difficulty of letting go — it is only human, and entirely natural. Weeping will not, on that account, make it impossible for your family member to be reborn, nor keep them from the Western Pure Land.

What is said about refraining from weeping at the time of death and rebirth is meant to create the most settled, most ideal environment of recitation for the one departing — it is a form of supportive help; but it does not mean that if the family sheds tears, the departed certainly cannot go. Rebirth rests on Amitabha Buddha's vow-power, not on whether the family wept.

Know this: Amitabha Buddha's deliverance is immensely powerful. Amitabha Buddha's great vow is vast and firm; it will not be overturned because the family shed a few tears. The Contemplation Sutra says: "The light shines everywhere upon the worlds of the ten directions, embracing and never forsaking the beings who recite the Buddha's name." Amitabha Buddha's light embraces those who recite the Name at every moment and never forsakes them — it would never cast someone aside merely because the family shed tears at the time of death. And even if the thoughts of the one departing are somewhat stirred, Amitabha Buddha's light will naturally settle and harmonize them.

As for your own situation — it has long since passed, and there is no need to look back in regret. We are not made of wood or stone; when our closest kin departs, how could we not grieve? Amitabha Buddha sees all of this clearly, and only has compassion for us; he would never blame us. Now, whenever we think of our departed loved ones, we need only go on reciting the Buddha's name for them.

If in the future you should truly face the passing of a family member again, and your emotions are greatly stirred, simply step away for a while, let your heart settle a little, and then come back and recite. We should still do our best to give the one departing the most peaceful environment of recitation. And if you cannot hold back, there is no need to be alarmed or to blame yourself — do what you can, and entrust your loved one to Amitabha Buddha.

So rather than sinking into worry and self-blame, better to seize the present: recite "Namo Amitabha" for your departed loved one now, and dedicate the merit to them. To go on reciting for them is far more meaningful and helpful than remorse. Amitabha Buddha is compassionate and understands completely how hard it is for us to let our loved ones go; please do not blame yourself too much.

Set down the worry in your heart, and turn this longing for your loved one into recitation after recitation of the Buddha's name — this is the most substantial help you can give them.

And as for ourselves — we too recite the Name, we too aspire to be born in the Land of Ultimate Bliss; to be born together in the Pure Land in the future is the true and everlasting reunion with those dearest to us. Namo Amitabha

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